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Personal Development, Leading & Managing Section | 1

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By Ginka Toegel and Jean-Louis Barsoux | Harvard Business Review Magazine | July–August 2024 Issue

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Although most managers believe that they give each of their team members equal attention, respect, and consideration, four decades’ worth of empirical research says otherwise. Studies show that nearly all bosses have—or are seen to have—in-groups with whom they have warmer, more personal relationships and out-groups with whom they operate more transactionally. Evidence also suggests that when employees find themselves on the wrong side of these divides, engagement, job satisfaction, commitment, and ultimately collaboration, innovation, and performance suffer.

No matter the function, organization, industry, or geography, subordinates pay close attention to how they’re treated in comparison with colleagues of equal talent, work ethic, and status. They quickly pick up on differences in leaders’ tone, sincerity, body language, style, emotional support, flexibility, criticism, and praise. And when they see or feel that a manager is less likely to solicit their views, build on their suggestions, encourage their initiatives, notice their efforts, or consider their needs and preferences—as if they work for, not with, the person—they often become disillusioned, distressed, and even hostile. 

So it is critical that managers first acknowledge these issues and then work hard to head off or repair conflicts. Those who don’t, risk losing key contributors, exacerbating the challenges presented by underperformers, ruining team performance and morale, and hurting their own reputations.

For each direct report, ask yourself three simple questions to gauge the strength of your relationship. 1. Did you seek the person’s company? Did your interactions extend beyond immediate tasks to discuss big-picture issues or to engage in social conversation? 2. Did you acknowledge the person’s capabilities? Did you elicit input (opinions and suggestions) in meetings or defer to the subordinate’s ideas?  3. Did you assist the person’s growth? Did your words or actions contribute to learning and development, such as through stretch assignments, coaching, or constructive feedback?

If the answer to even one of these questions is no—particularly if that happens two or three weeks in a row—you must address the deficit. To build greater rapport, reach out and identify common ground you may have overlooked (for example, children, hobbies, or upbringing). Perceived similarity is a strong driver of liking. To make your people feel more competent, invite their suggestions or ideas, and give them a chance to tackle problems their way. Acknowledge their expertise and accomplishments and stay open to explanations if they underperform. To foster growth, discuss their career aims and give them challenging tasks, upward visibility, and public praise for successes.

Even when the relationship seems beyond repair—you can temper your employee’s negative emotions and possibly turn the situation around. We recommend three steps:  prepare for the conversation (Role-playing with a coach, a trusted colleague, or even an empty chair can help.), minimize the power differential so that skeptical subordinates feel they can safely talk about their out-group pain, spell out what’s critical to each person and commit to changes.

3 key takeaways from the article

1. Although most managers believe that they give each of their team members equal attention, respect, and consideration, four decades’ worth of empirical research says otherwise. Studies show that nearly all bosses have—or are seen to have—in-groups with whom they have warmer, more personal relationships and out-groups with whom they operate more transactionally. Evidence also suggests that when employees find themselves on the wrong side of these divides, engagement, job satisfaction, commitment, and ultimately collaboration, innovation, and performance suffer.
2. For each direct report, ask yourself three simple questions to gauge the strength of your relationship:  Did you seek the person’s company?  Did you acknowledge the person’s capabilities?  Did you assist the person’s growth?
3. If the answer to even one of these questions is no—particularly if that happens two or three weeks in a row—you must address the deficit. To build greater rapport, reach out and identify common ground you may have overlooked.  To make your people feel more competent, invite their suggestions or ideas, and give them a chance to tackle problems their way. Acknowledge their expertise and accomplishments.

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Topics:  Leadership, Teams, Organizational Behavior, Relationships